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Consent

Consent at Perzik

Consent sounds incredibly simple until you build a social platform around it.

Ask, respect the answer, and don't cross someone's boundaries. Posting something is not consent to everything that might happen afterwards.

  • Just ask.
  • Respect the answer.
  • Don't cross someone's boundaries.

Simple.

Except I've learned that people don't always understand consent in the same way.

Why isn't a consent rule enough?

People don't all understand consent the same way. On the first Perzik, writing it in the rules wasn't enough.

That was one of my mistakes with the first version of Perzik.

I thought I could make consent one of the rules and people would understand what that meant.

  • Most did.
  • Some didn't.

And when you're building a community around bodies, vulnerability, intimacy and sexuality, "most people understand" isn't really good enough.

So this time, consent isn't just something I want to write in the rules.

I want to build around it.

Posting something doesn't mean you're consenting to everything that might happen afterwards.

  • A nude picture isn't consent to sexual messages.
  • A sexy picture isn't consent to receiving a sexual picture back.
  • Following someone isn't consent to flirting.
  • Replying once isn't consent to continued attention.
  • Being open to dating isn't consent to everyone who wants to date you.
  • And consent yesterday doesn't automatically mean consent today.

Your boundaries can be different from mine

You don't have to understand someone's boundary to respect it. Consent isn't based on what you would be comfortable with.

  • Maybe something wouldn't bother you.
  • Maybe you would find the same message flattering.
  • Maybe you'd happily open that picture.

Great.

That still doesn't determine somebody else's boundary.

Consent isn't based on what you would be comfortable with.

Silence isn't a puzzle

If someone stops replying, declines, or blocks you, that is the answer. Don't keep pushing.

  • If someone stops replying, don't keep pushing.
  • If someone declines, don't negotiate.
  • If someone blocks you, don't find another way to contact them.

You don't need to extract a courtroom-quality "no" before respecting someone's lack of interest.

We're designing for the moment before a boundary gets crossed, not only moderating after something goes wrong.

Moderation usually happens after something goes wrong.

Someone crosses a boundary. Someone reports them. A moderator decides what to do.

We need that.

But I'm also interested in what happens immediately before the boundary gets crossed.

  • Can the interface make someone stop for a second?
  • Can we make someone's preferences clearer?
  • Can we make sending an explicit picture require more intention?
  • Can we design interactions so that the receiver gets a choice too?

Those are the questions behind Perzik 2.0.

Read Perzik 2.0